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I consider my self a Therian wolf, but I don't really like the definition of it since , I don't shape shift as wolf, I am not transforming into a wolf, the moon do not influence me to be wolf or not, I am wolf always 24/24 - 365 1/4 day, but then why I don't walk on 4 and behave totally as a wolf? because I was granted this human form, I can talk and do things that as wolf I can't do, why? I don't know why... I made this wolf costume to peace a little my mind, I feel I'm a wolf all my soul, all my spirit, but I feel sometime I was punish somewhat to be a human, or I just don't know what is my goal here into this human form, when I wear this costume I know it's totally fake, I see it this way, imagine someone who had lost his arm or a member, he wear a fake arm or member even if he know it's fake and sometime even useless , he wear it to feel more completed, I wear the wolf costume in such manner, I know it's totally fake but I feel somewhat a little more wolf and completed...if there was a way for me to be turn into a wolf, I would probably sign for it right now. For me family is the most important thing there is to be, I lost my mom in 2002 and I still miss her badly...I light a candle for her every day ever since too, now my Dad is my only reason of living,I have no mate, never had any female in my life, someone had give me love a male, he was very kind and nice to me, but unconsciously I was just in love with his attention to me, when my mom die I seen a consoler to help me pass this terrible event, he also made me take conscience of what I was doing to this person, I wasn't very nice to him since I even told him that i wish he was female physiques and not male, he choose this time to cut all the link with me too, I try to sorry my self and explain him how i was sorry to have manipulated his feeling the way I did... but he never reply any of my e-mail ever since, I can't blame him for hate me badly too... I have much difficulty to make friends since I ask way too much presence of them, as wolf I need to feel much the presence of those who dare approach me, if someone give me too much presence he then regret cause I will want always that presence, I also talk too much of everything that trouble me and people in general don't like to hear those things too, I am also a furry, but the word furry for me mean game, there is so many different definition for this word depending of who, but since furry look most cartoons characters then for me furry is a game, when I wear my bears or deer or one of the many character costume I created then I play only for fun and it's a game then to me, when i put the wolf I don't play being me I am still me, I will still talk and do what ever I do with no costume, so that's who I am basically.
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bleis01's journal
